I Am the Best Friend in All the Movies

Sometimes, I wish I wore midriffs, and hoop earrings, and pulled them off.  Sometimes, I wish I enjoyed Latino club music, and looked good dancing to it.  Sometimes, I wish there was a point to this blog.

But, as usual, life evades my sometimes-desires.

I’ve spent years trying to make my awkwardness look cool.  My sophomore year of high school was spent wasting all of my first-job earnings on sequined tops that resembled everything in Hannah Montana’s closet. I was described as ‘quirky’ by all of my classmates, and I spent the rest of high school hoping that Zac Efron or one of the Jonas Brothers would show up in class and ask me to prom.  (A fact that proves my inability to determine what was actually cool from what was inherently just an extension of my awkwardness).

In college, I started to embrace my lack of coolness a bit more, but that may have been a subconscious effort to fit in with the hipsters.  Besides, my awkwardness has only increased ten-fold with each year.  It’s to the point where I fall up the stairs 99% of the time.

Still, I’ve learned to love my un-coolness. I may not be the skinny, pretty blonde lead, but I’m okay with my best-friend status in life.  You see, if there’s something I’ve learned from every single Disney movie ever, it’s that the lead characters are never the most interesting or entertaining.  In fact, Snow White and her many princess companions are really kind of dull beyond their looks.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Disney princesses (maybe a little too much).  But they aren’t particularly entertaining.  Pretty face, pretty voice, but they don’t make me laugh. They don’t have brains. (Well, that point is arguable, but I won’t get into that here.) No, if you want to make life interesting you have to be a Dwarf. Or a mouse. Or Robin Williams.

That’s why I’m okay with being the sidekick. That’s why I’m okay with being the average looking woman with a great personality (maybe I’m a bit bias since I have to live with me for the rest of my life).  Someone’s got to carry the film and make sure it sells.  I’m okay with that. I don’t like sappy romance movies, anyways.  They’re a little too obnoxious for my tastes.

I do kind of wish I didn’t fall into so many awkward moments, though. That would make my life 100% more comfortable.

In other news, my infant nephew has been dubbed “Poolander” (Get it?).  A chip off the ol’ awkward block, eh?  Looking forward to the many years I have ahead of me, teaching the little guy that it’s okay to be Luke and not get the girl, or Han Solo and not be a Jedi. We’ll see where his priorities lay.

So, to sum up: My life is basically Hermione minus her intuitive awesomeness and ability to woo sports celebrities, and I’m totally happy with that.  Maybe someday I’ll spill my coffee running into some poor chap and we’ll bond over my awkwardness. Maybe we’ll live happily ever after. Or maybe I’ll get a really lovable, fluffy dog, and that’ll be great too. It’s all up in the air at this point.

Life: A fine, smelly, metaphorically awkward cheese. How delicious.

Until we meet again,

 

Yours truly,

tlc

Ten Reasons Why “The Goonies” is the Greatest Film Ever Made

I’m sorry, but before you read this post, you’re going to have to do the Truffle Shuffle. Do it.

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Do it.

Okay, now on to business.

Last night I spent a wonderful evening enjoying the company of friends and watching my favorite movie of all time, The Goonies. (which is also why I didn’t make my personal deadline of posting this on Friday)  And it got me thinking, why do I love this movie so much?  I mean, I obviously can spot movie gold when I see it, but can everyone else?  Why isn’t this movie everyone’s favorite?  Because it darn well should be.  So, to prove my point, I came up with ten really good reasons why The Goonies is the best film ever, no contest, no questions asked:

1. The soundtrack is epic.

Imagine a soundtrack chosen by Cyndi Lauper and full of bright and awesome ’80’s songs, and you have The Goonies soundtrack.  Not to mention, it was originally released on LP and cassette tape.  That’s pretty hipster.  But the real magic is in the movie score. Not only is the music full of that awesome ’80’s movie sound, but it complements the tone of the film and each scene in ways that most other films just don’t get.  And let’s just put it this way: the first time I watched the film, I was certain that John Williams had composed the score.  Kudos to you, Dave Grusin.

2.  PIRATES AND TREASURE.

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You can’t tell me you don’t love pirates and treasure.  I mean, Pirates of the Caribbean was a thing for how many years?

3.  The screenplay has teens and tweens pegged down to an art.

You can’t deny that those kids, and that dialogue was acting gold.  Come on, Brand and Andy trying to make-out every time they come within a two-foot radius of each other, despite the fact that they are lost underground, on the run from the Fratellis to save their own lives?  That’s such a teenager thing.  And Mikey, the cheerleader of the group, having such a ‘Disney innocence’ to the way he believes in the power of being a goonie.

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“It’s our time down here!” Adorbs.

4. Every character is fun.

You ever watch those movies where you just think, “There are too many people in this film.” James Bond movies are the ones that do it for me.  They just always have too many characters with zero personality, or the same character archetype constantly being reused. The Goonies is most definitely not that way.  You have loveable Chunk, who is the inevitable tag-along, constantly messing things up on accident, and being quite hilarious at it the same time.  And cute, funny Data, who brings humor and diversity to the group, as well as that typical ’80’s inventiveness that channels a sort-of Back-to-the-Future vibe (though the films came out in the same year). Then there’s Mouth and Stef, who bring all of the sarcasm and sass to the group.  And you can’t forget Sloth, the beloved, soft-hearted monster-man. No matter who it is, each character is genuine and brings more laughs to every situation.

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5. The Truffle Shuffle:

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Need I say more?

6. Josh Brolin is in it.

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7. Samwise Gamgee is in it.Image

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I know, it’s a little surprising to see how Mikey grew up, but it’s okay, because he helped save Middle-earth.

8. It’s possibly the most quotable movie, ever.

I mean, come on. Come oooonnnnnn.  <–Get it?

“Heeeeyyyy Yooouuuu Guuuuuyyyssss.”

“Booby traps. You mean, Booby traps?  Booby traps! That’s what I said!”

“First, you gotta do the truffle shuffle.”

“Andy! You Goonie!”

“Goonies never say die!”

“Down here, it’s our time. It’s our time down here!”

“Baby? Baby? Ruth!  Baby?”

“Sloth love Chunk!”

“Look at all the Rich Stuff!”

Should I go on?

9. The bad guys are awesome.

You know why I always love Home Alone and Home Alone 2 so much as a child? Because the bad guys were stupidly funny, but they put up with a lot. The Fratellis are like that too, only a little less stupid. Plus, they got spunk. And Francis has a toupee.

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“I don’t wear a hair piece!”

10. It’s a memorable homage to childhood.

Finally, the top reason The Goonies is just too awesome not to be the greatest film ever made is that the film is a celebration of everything that is great about being a kid.  In a very reality-based, modern take on Peter Pan, the film is about adventure, imagination, friendship, and never really having to grow-up.  Made with kids, for kids (it’s PG13, so maybe not little kids) and especially kids at heart, The Goonies is that little bit of childhood dreaming that you never really give up or want to forget.  Remember that end scene when the pirate ship sails away? Chills. Or how about Mikey’s speech:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NEKzLiXfuc

So great.

So there you have it, ten reasons why The Goonies is the greatest film ever made, my favorite movie, and why it should be yours, too.  If you still disagree, then you must not have ever seen the movie, and you are sorely missing out.  Go watch it. Right now.

Yours truly,

tlc

Warm Bodies: Two Beating Hearts Up

Because I have the best roommate in the world, I got a ‘coupon’ (so to speak) for Christmas simply saying, “This note entitles you to a roommate-bonding activity, on me. Tell me when and where, and I’ll make sure that I’m there!”  This is particularly sweet seeing as we are both flat broke and never find time to hang out, just the two of us.  So, a week ago we decided we needed a Girls Night Out. Of course, as is defined by the rules of a Girls Night Out, we went to see a movie.  A romantic comedy, if you will. A zombie flick.

Now, I’m not normally one to go for anything involving any depiction of blood and guts, even the movie-makeup kind. Actually, I’m not really one for romantic comedies or romance movies, either.  In fact, I’m not sure why I wanted to see this movie.  Probably just because I was certain it was entirely too bizarre a concept to actually pull off.  Man, I was wrong.

Warm Bodies was actually a good movie. A good movie!  I liked it so much I think I might actually buy it when it comes out on dvd/bluray–whatever the kids are calling it these days.  But, because I feel slightly hipster in my obligation to justify why I liked this movie so much, especially coming from the same studio responsible for the entire Twilight headache people are calling ‘film’, here are a few reasons to go see the movie and decide for yourself:

1) This film makes a way better Valentines date than any sappy old romance movie. Not only is the movie funny–helping to ease those awkward date jitters–it has well-balanced action from the get-go and doesn’t overwhelm with the ‘romantic whims’ of the storyline.  Basically, in the entire film, there is only one kiss scene, and it lasts for all of, like, eight seconds.

2) Nicholas Hoult is just fascinating to look at. I don’t want to give anything away, but there is a moment in the movie where Hoult’s character, R, has to wear makeup (a guy wearing cosmetics, whaaat?) Anyways, while indeed adding to the hilarity and presenting an almost uncomfortable resemblance to David Bowie, Hoult actually wears that blush and lipstick well.  If I had any authority on the subject, I might even venture to say he’d make an attractive Drag Queen. This is a particularly interesting picture of him wearing sunglasses and accessorizing ravens. You get three ‘Poes’ up, Mr. Hoult, one for each Raven. 

3) I’m a little sad to say that my pre-med roommate had to point this out to me, an English major and self-proclaimed literature-junkie, but the film actually made a nod to honest, good, classic literature (or, rather, Shakespearean play).  ‘R’, and ‘Julie’ are star-crossed lovers whose societies don’t allow them to be together, literally because, well, R is a zombie and eats people, and Julie is the daughter of the man trying to protect the remnants of the human race.  Got the reference yet? No? Yeah, took me a moment, too.  Would it help if I mentioned there is a balcony scene that plays out almost exactly like the one in the play, except obviously there was not sunrise similes, or wistful yearning, or comparisons to roses.  Got it now? Okay.  

I was a little worried after that that the ending would not bode well for R and Julie, seeing as how successful *coughcough* their Shakespearean counterparts are, and I really don’t want to give away the ending, so let’s just say I walked away happy.  I think the ending was well done, and though I’m sure a lot of people will have objections to the way the film went about concluding, I will just say that every once in a while you need a movie like that. It’s almost a relief. 

So there you have it. My three-reasons-to-go-see-this-movie-because-I-liked-it-and-am-hyped-up-on-chai-tea-and-decided-to-blog-about-it.  

Now, go watch it. Or don’t, that’s fine too. More Hoult for me.

Yours truly,

tlc

P.S. If you want to check out the trailer, I’ve posted that on here, as well! Just check my other posts!