I Am a Rainbow of Feelings

In exactly two weeks, I will be an Alumna of the University of Kansas. I will have already donned my cap and gown and taken part in the ever-so-desired ritual of walking down the hill.

On the one hand, I am extremely excited.  I really am looking forward to the adventures ahead of me, whatever they may be.  I’ve come to a place where I’m ready to step out of the classroom and really use my time and the things I’ve learned over the course of my life to make something of my own.

On the other hand, I will really miss this. I will miss my friends, being within a few hours drive of my family, and honestly, I’ll even miss school.  I’ve had a blast these last four years, and I’ve loved every second of exploration and the discoveries I’ve made about myself through these years.

On the other other hand, I am terrified.  Stepping into the world where my life is not planned more than a few months in advance is absolutely frightening. I’ve lived my whole life knowing exactly where I was headed (even if some of the details were not completely ironed out) and there really was not much adjustment in the overall skeletal frame of my life direction. My life has always been school and family. Now, in two weeks time, the former will be no more, and the latter may wind up being half a world away.

So that’s where I’m at right now. A rainbow of emotions, feeling the tinges of Senioritis and the remorse at the idea of leaving. Being overwhelmed by the excitement of new adventures and the panic of the unknown.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, but it’s the Monday of dead week, and that’s my brain right now: dead. Maybe I’ll have some better reflection for you in two weeks.

Until Next Monday,

Yours truly,

tlc

Life Vests Welcome

Who would have thought that I’d be giving pep talks to someone else about graduating and finding a job?  I mean, I realize that the whole point of this blog series is to give support to my fellow soon-to-be grads who might be struggling with the same anxieties I think we all face at this point in our lives, but that doesn’t mean I’m qualified to give pep talks. Yet, somehow, today I found myself doing just that.

One of my dear friends reached out to me in a frustrated flurry of emotion after a tough four hours of filling out job applications. She was emotionally drained and feeling as though she wasn’t good enough. She had been thinking about all of the people she knew who already had jobs lined up after graduation, and had been questioning why–when she was just as good a student and worker–she wasn’t getting any closer to finding a job herself.

I don’t think she reached out to me because she was looking for a pep talk, but that’s what I gave her. I rooted her on, I told her how great a person she was (because it’s true), and I reassured her that things would work out. That, somehow, she would find a job and the right opportunity when the time came, and that I knew she’d find that job because she is a hard worker, and she is gifted, and smart (also true).

The irony is that I said all of these things to her, knowing exactly how she feels, and being in a very similar situation myself. How can I reassure someone else that things will work out, when I worry about the outcome of my own job search and career path?  It’s because, in the end, I know that we will both be fine. Of course, I don’t know where we’ll be, or if it will be something we actually like or want to be doing, but we will find something that will put a roof over our heads and food in our mouths. And, because I know that we are both driven people, I know that we will not be stagnant. We will continue to improve ourselves, and find new ways to build paths towards our life-long goals. If there is only one thing I know of success, it is that success does not simply come to those who work towards it; success comes to those who continue to find new ways to work towards it, no matter how many times they have to redirect their path. My friend and I will continue to pave new ways towards our goals until we reach them, no matter where we have to start.

I don’t know why I am suddenly so optimistic when nothing has really prompted these feelings. If anything, I think I would be justified in taking a bit of a more pessimistic view. However, negativity has never improved anything. I have reached a point where the only attitude I can–and wish–to take in my ongoing job search is a positive one. If I let myself stress out over rejection, or compare myself to others’ success, that will not help me.  Worrying about things that I cannot help or change will not make my experience in finding a job any easier. Instead, I will put a smile on my face, and keep on going. Sure, I’ll worry–and believe me, I’m plenty stressed–but a little concern can’t be helped.

Instead, I am choosing to be happy. I am choosing to continue to work towards my goals. I am choosing not to give up so easily on my dreams. I am choosing to trust that there is something positive in store for my life.

So, here I am, one week away from my spring break, giving you a mini pep-talk: Choose to be happy. Seek out the positive, and don’t get discouraged. Everyone faces rejection, and you will find the success that you allow yourself to have. Have patience, and enjoy life while you’re waiting.

Oh, and a word of advice–especially to those of you who are not gearing up to graduate yet–use the Career Center at your university!  You can start using it even before your senior year; go have them check out your resume, teach you how to write a cover letter, prep for interviews, and introduce you to the job search process. Part of the reason I got a bit of a late start in my own job search was because I didn’t understand how the career center could work like a pre-planning resource; I had all of these online resources for searching through job openings, but I didn’t even know where to begin or what to apply for because I didn’t even know the first thing about what I wanted to do or what I should really look into. The career center will help you figure that out.

A side note: Next week I will be studying abroad for Spring Break (Yay!) and may or may not have time/internet access to post a blog. We will see. My apologies if the latter is the case.

Until next (or next next) Monday,

Yours truly,

tlc

It’s A Good Thing My Film Professor Won’t Read This

It’s a good thing he won’t even see this post, because I’m not sure he even has a Facebook page, and if he does, we are not friends. I say this, not because I don’t like my film professor–I do, he’s a bit tangential, but his class is still informative–but because I’m typing this as I sit in his class, listening (as best as you can while multitasking) to his lecture.

Now, hear me out: I’m not one of those terrible students who is always on the internet and never listening during class.  In fact, it’s the opposite–this is an anomaly for me; a choice that I am driven to out of a necessity to keep myself accountable amidst a very busy day. (Just to reassure you that I am still listening to my professor, at the moment he is discussing art forms in motion–painting, sculpture, and architecture–and the ways in which these play into the larger idea of art and interplay as a whole, particularly in concern to film).

This has been my entire week.  After my disappointing web interview with the Disney College program, I had my orientation day for my campus job at the Spencer Research Library–I get to work with artifacts and books that are 100+ years old!–and my interview with Target for their executive leadership program (a path that I am drawn away from more and more as I realize it leaves very little opportunity for use of my writing skills).  I then spent the weekend at home again–I think I’ve been home more in the last two months than I have in the last year as a whole–in order to get some things finished that I had to do in my home town. Today, I spent the first half of my day at the Spencer, working, then went to class, camped at Allen Field House for the game, and am now (obviously) in class again (we have now moved on to specific films that demonstrate the idea of “mash-up” or rather, combination art and art-techniques), and tonight I will go to Allen Fieldhouse yet again to watch one of the last home basketball games I may ever be able to see in person (who knows if I’ll be able to afford tickets once I’m out of school?). I’ve hardly had a moment to catch my breath.

I know I’m not the only one who has these types of days, and I’m sure I should count myself lucky for not having more of them, but my list of things to do continues to get increasingly longer, with no seeming end in sight.  If it’s not homework–and my goodness, how homework has always kept me busy, and never before has it felt so much like busy work!–then it’s job and internship applications, adjusting resumes and cover letters, job-related work, or other work-type commitments. The only way I find I don’t make myself crazy is by letting myself go to the gym and run off extra steam in whatever spare moments I have, and taking a few minutes out of my day to just let my brain ‘de-fuzz’.

I probably make myself sound more stressed out than I actually am. The truth is, the reason I feel so busy is because I am letting myself have those moments of enjoyment–I am letting myself go to the basketball game tonight, even though I have plenty of things I could be doing to keep me busy this evening. I stop and talk to my friends, and take a few minutes out of my day to read, or eat, or do something just for me, that I want to do, not that I need to do. Of course, it’s put me a bit behind in my list of all the things I want and need to do and apply for, but I don’t want to look back at this semester and only remember staring at a computer screen, or interviewing for jobs. I have my whole life to work (and hopefully I will find employment to back that statement up sooner rather than later) and I want to enjoy the people and opportunities around me.

Still, it is stressful. Probably the most stressful time of my life I have experienced thus far. I know that, unfortunately, this will probably not be the most stressful thing I ever experience, but the ambiguity of my future is, naturally, a worrisome ordeal. I find that if I stop to think too long on the possibilities of my living situation in even three months’ time, I begin to panic. I am sure–or, at least I hope–that I am not alone in these feelings.  I wish that there was a smoother time of transition into careers or post-grad life than these crazy, class and homework-filled semesters; if students could have an entire semester that was simply devoted to honing application and resume writing, job-search training, and career information/exploration, my life would be so much less stressful right now.

I write about this wishful thinking, my musings, and my worries, not to whine, but because that is where I am at in this stage of the job search/post-grad transition process right now. I feel as though I have “loved and lost” in the few applications and interviews I have had thus far.  But, just like dating, there’s a reason we keep at it, right?  Because hopefully, we’ll strike a chord of luck and wind up happy.

So, I’ll keep multitasking to keep my head above water, and enjoying the little moments whenever I can, and for those of you out there who are in the same boat (what’s with all of these water metaphors all of a sudden? I must be thirsty) I hope you do the same.  Stick with it. You aren’t alone in your worries, I promise.

Keep on Keepin’ on, til next Monday.

Yours truly,

tlc

Flowers are Always Good

Thank God for great friends, right?

Boy, I tell you what, this last week has been full of ups and downs. Well, in particular, one reassuring up, and one very, very low down.  Reflecting, I suppose I’ve learned something about myself in all of this. But maybe I should back up a bit first and explain…before I explain.

The week started out pretty well. I was very optimistic–I made my first-ever CV, made the trek to the Career Center and got it looked over (she thought it looked great, I might add), and went to the University Career Fair, where I talked to some programs that I’m actually very interested in, and got an interview for a program I hadn’t even intended on applying for (strange how those things work out).

That wasn’t even the high of my week, though: the day before, I had been offered both a student library job/internship (I’ve been trying to snag a job at KU libraries for the last three years, but scheduling has just never worked out before now) for the rest of the semester, and a summer job as a Teaching Assistant for Duke TIP.

Still, all of this was sort of arbitrary–secondary, perhaps–to the real plan. My coworker and I had our hearts and our heads set: we were going to work for Disney. She had worked as part of the Disney College Program before, and I had been dreaming about it since before I was even in college–in fact, I think the first time I ever looked the Disney College Program up, I was a junior in high school.

So, I was going to apply, and she was going to re-apply. And we were going to work at Walt Disney World, or Walt Disneyland, or Walt Disney World and Walt Disneyland, and for the next six months, we were going to be golden. Then, using my awesome experience working in one of the Disney parks, I was going to apply for writing internships in television and development, and of course employers were going to love me–I’m fun, I’m responsible, and I have a lot of good work experience. This was the plan. This was going to happen. It felt right. It was right.

Until I didn’t move through to the next phase of the interview process.

Yep, that’s right, revel in the irony, everyone: Tasha, the woman who has loved Disney since she was old enough to watch movies; the woman who is so obsessed with Disney fairy tales that she wrote her senior thesis on them, did not make it through the interview process for the Disney College Program. Maybe it was one too many “neutrals” on the survey I had to fill out; maybe it was because, instead of a positive person (which, in comparison with my coworker, I am no where near positive, but in terms of the rest of the world, I’m a pretty positive person) I consider myself more of a realist, because to me, being a realist is still positive, just not delusional. (…Not that positive people are delusional…) But now I’m starting to sound more like a bitter, negative, whiny person.

My point is this: I hit a bottom this week. One of dreams that I’ve had for a very, very long time is no longer possible.  And, while right now it still stings, that’s okay. I’m okay. It’s not like I haven’t been thrown curve-balls in my life before. In fact, most of my life (in my own opinion) has been nothing but curve balls. Disappointments and rejections that have forced me to take ninety-degree turns and barrel on through a new path. And that’s only what this is. A ninety-degree turn. And so now, I’ll just have to barrel that path in a new direction, and hopefully shoot for a similar–or better–landing place.

And really, taking ninety-degree turns is actually good for me, because I tend to make long, intricate plans for my life and what happens in it, and these moments are eye-opening reminders that I shouldn’t shut the rest of the world and its countless opportunities out. So, while Disney lost a seriously good potential employee this week, some other opportunity I haven’t considered yet is going to gain a seriously great candidate. And I’m going to sound cocky, because it’s true. I work hard.

And that brings me to what I learned about myself from all of this: I realized, amid my sobbing, disappointed phone call to my mother, and my rather mopey Monday, that somewhere along my life, I seem to have gotten my priorities mixed up.  I am in a relationship with my work and career goals. I care more about working towards success, than I do about making and growing relationships with other people along the way. And this is wrong. Because success IS the people and relationships you have while making your way, and your living, in this world.

Thank God I have friends like my coworker, who sent me flowers (because flowers really do make everything better), and spent a very long time occupied by my emotional embraces, who–despite my relationship with my work (which is a horrible boyfriend, by the way; he never remembers my birthday)–has somehow become one of my dearest friends. And it is friendships like hers, and friendships like my roommates, and friendships and love like my mother’s that has reminded me that it really is the relationships that matter. What’s it worth to conquer the world without someone to share it with?

So, my fellow almost-graduates, my only advice to you this week is this: make the absolute best friends you can, and keep them, because they won’t judge you when you’re working in a coffee shop to pay the rent, and they will always buy you flowers when you are very, very sad.

Here’s to hoping next Monday is a little happier.

Yours truly,

tlc

The World from the POV of a Prospective Grad

Hi there. Will you hire me?

I am happy to say that the snow gods came through last week and brought me not one, but two snow days. Granted, as a graduating senior, I don’t have a very busy class schedule, anyways, but the snow days allowed me some extra time to catch up on homework and start working on tasks unrelated to homework, like looking for jobs.

Now, I know this entire series of blogs is supposed to be about my experience transitioning into the real world anyways, and, if you’ve been reading my posts, you know by now that I am terrified of that unknown.  But I thought it might be helpful for me to really define to you the way I see the world right now, because as I start looking more and more thoroughly at the different career paths I could take, I’m slowly beginning to realize the serious generational myth that I think many of us were raised on:

There is no perfect job.

There really isn’t. Does this sound like something I should have known before now?  Certainly I’m not the only one whose never thought about this before. Think about it: how many times in our lives have we gotten the question, “What is your ideal job?”  ‘Ideal’ shouldn’t really be synonymous with ‘perfect’ but I think in many of our minds it is.  We begin to build this fantasy in our minds of what we’ll do and how much we’ll get paid and how great our coworkers and bosses will be and how amazing the architecture of our work buildings will be and how we’ll get paid vacations spending months on end in cool first-world countries and resorts abroad. It’s like 99% of my celebrity crushes: in my mind, here are all of these handsome men that sound so smart and suave on screen and in interviews, and I’m sure that if I met them in real life, I’d be disappointed with almost all of them (maybe not because they themselves are bad people, but just because they wouldn’t be what I imagined them to be). Jobs and careers are the same way.

For most of our lives (‘our’ as in soon-to-be and recent college grads), we’ve been fed two strong and conflicting ideas: 1) the job market is horrible, and you better thank your lucky stars you’re even getting a job offer, and 2) If you can dream it, you can achieve it.

Except that neither of those are true.

Sure, the job market sucks, but jobs have always been, and they always will be, competitive.  If you don’t work at what you want or need, you won’t get it, end of story. Sometimes even when you work at something, it doesn’t work out. But you have to move on anyways.  And if something isn’t what you want, keep looking. Pay the bills, but keep looking.  Which brings me to that second point: just because you dream something doesn’t mean that it will happen, or that it will happen right away. You have to build your dreams, work at them from the ground up, and don’t expect too much. If you plan out every detail about your future, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. In my short observance of people out in the real world, I’ve learned that sometimes things come to those who wait. So if you’re smart about your finances, and the first thing that comes available to you doesn’t feel right, don’t take it. Keep your goals in sight.

But this is a bit of a digression, because the real issue with the ‘if you dream it, you can achieve it’ slogan is that many of us have been laughed at for our dreams.  We’ve been told they are impossible, or too competitive, or impractical, so we don’t strive for them. We settle. Or conversely, we refuse to settle and end up unemployed for years on end because we see anything as less than the ideal as below us.  Sometimes working for that dream and building it from the ground up means taking that office job to pay the bills, or working at a coffee shop during the day, or living at home until you find something that will allow you your own place.  And, I think if you are really determined to reach your goals, that none of these things should be seen as beneath you.  (Just try not to live with mom and dad for too long, okay?)

I guess the real reason I’m saying all of this is because who knows where I’ll be in three months.  Nearly a straight-A student in college with several honors and awards on my resume, along with two internships and several leadership experiences, and I might still be that kid who lives at home for months before finding a job.  It’s just that kind of a world.  And I realize this all might sound contradictory, but that’s simply because this whole competitive job market thing is a confusing place.  My whole life I’ve been told I need to go to college, and I wanted to go to college, and then I get here, and I’m told that college doesn’t make me a competitively-qualified job candidate anymore, and that I’m going to have to settle for the types of jobs that will never pay off tuition costs and college bills. On top of that, you’re thrown out into the real world of independence, trying to pay bills and find a place to live, learning how to keep track of finances and pay taxes.  It’s an utterly mind-boggling time.  It’s frustrating, too, because everyone thinks they know exactly what you need to do, or how you should do it, or how you are generational-ly flawed, and how those qualities will only work against you in the job market.

And you know what? To all of that, I say this: Whatever.  I’m going to go out, find something I at least like doing (if I don’t love it) and then I’m going to work towards building a life that I love.  Because the perfect job doesn’t exist, but one (or a thousand, because let’s face it, we’re all going to hold several jobs (probably) throughout our lives) that provides me the ability to make a life that I love does exist.

So here’s to building dreams and working towards goals, finding OK-jobs and loving our lives.  Here’s to experiencing.

Until next Monday,

Yours truly,

tlc

Praying to the snow gods

Dear gods of snow,

I need this snow day. NEED it.

Okay, maybe not quite as much as some other students, who are actually behind because of their course load. But really, I could use this one.

See, my body spent the weekend being a biological incubator for what has begrudgingly (and weirdly enough, somewhat affectionately) been termed, “the crud,” and I was basically a non-cannibalistic zombie for the weekend. In other words, I watched obscene amounts of “Parks and Recreation”,  but got little else done. The saddest part is that I had gone home for the weekend to tie up some medical appointments while still on my parents’ insurance plan (yet another wonderful aspect to look forward to, come graduation day) and I had been hoping to utilize the time away to be super-productive without the lovely distractions of my home back in Lawrence.

So, considering the fact that I am still sick and don’t want to get out of bed super early tomorrow, have not had time to unpack yet, and have about a 100 things on my to-do list I could use the time for, I would really, REALLY appreciate a snow day. Two snow days, if you are so inclined in your generosity. And, considering that I now have an extra potential commitment I had not really accounted for at the beginning of the semester, and I haven’t had a chance to apply for jobs yet, a snow day would be so very, very, very wonderful.

And, to prove my busy status and inability to think super coherently because of my illness, I’m going to end my plead, and my blog post for this week here.  These are my thoughts, three weeks into my last semester of school. …Yeah.

Here’s to hoping for more time and a longer post next Monday,

Yours truly,

tlc

Shake-speared, not Stirred

Oh Graduation, how do thee freak me out? Let me count the ways:

This has been an interesting seven days.  The good news is, I’m still alive after the first week of classes.  The bad news?  I had two semi-legitimate-but-mostly-just-me-being-dramatic panic attacks.  Why?  Let me start at the beginning.

Classes started on Tuesday this semester, since Monday was an extension of winter break in observance of MLK day. I went to my first class, play writing, and was extremely excited to finally see my mentor-professor in action in the classroom.  The class itself was also very enjoyable, despite only being syllabus day. To put it simply, my expectations were pretty high after that first class. However, I was still mostly in winter break mode, as I promptly went home and watched four episodes of Parks and Recreation before heading back out into the cold for my second class.

As a creative writing major, I am exempted from one of the six core classes required by KU in order to get my B.A. in English in exchange for taking a butt-load of creative writing courses.  The incessant over-achiever in me had, however, decided that taking that sixth course–in this case, Shakespeare–would be a good idea, not because I wanted the enrichment the course would give me, but because then I could say that I graduated within both the creative writing and English literature tracks of the major. Such an honest motive, such a terrible decision.

To be perfectly honest, Shakespeare at KU does not have the best reputation.  Most of the regular professors who teach the class on rotation get mild reviews from students, perhaps leaning slightly more towards the negative side of things.  Lots of “drones on and on in lectures,” “gets easily sidetracked,” and “easy grader, difficult assignments,” etc. (Let me reiterate: these are the reviews for many, but not all, of the professors who teach this class on a rotational basis).  And to be fair, Shakespeare is probably not an easy course to teach, let alone learn. Still, I knew going into the class that it was not going to be my favorite.  However, what I was not expecting was the syllabus I was handed that first day. I think the second I read the course assignments section I began to hyperventilate a wee bit.  The class required reading twelve plays (that much I knew ahead of time; all the Shakespeare courses required that intense reading schedule) but it also included a midterm exam (granted, the exam was a take-home test), a final exam, and two 2,500-3,000 word essays (which I later confirmed with my roommate is roughly 8-10 pages double-spaced).  Now, obviously none of this is insanely strenuous, and I have done all of these–taken midterms and final exams, written papers (some of them twice as long as these word requirements)–I’ve even done a combination of test-taking and paper-writing.  However, I’ve never taken on two lengthy essays in combination with two cumulative tests and this much reading, on top of three other course workloads and job searching/post-grad planning as well.

I believe my exact inner-monologue went a little something like this: “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” 

Needless to say, I high-tailed it out of that class as fast as I could, spending the next 36 hours in pure anxiety, trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do before finally getting permission to switch into a nonfiction writing class, something that, in the long run, has way more writing involved, but is a bit more my style, as far was work requirements go.

But shortly thereafter, I began to panic again, wondering if maybe I needed to take that Shakespeare class. Or worse yet, what if I had somehow overlooked something, and wouldn’t be able to graduate this semester?  Clearly, my anxiety is well-rooted in the illogical.  A quality of my character that I am sure my adviser finds endearing and not at all overbearing.

These two incidents are actually related, in retrospect, but that hasn’t stopped me from feeling completely excessive about both.

I posted a Facebook status about my feelings of anxiety towards this latter half, actually. That’s how I can tell the emotions are getting the best of me.  When I publicize myself, I am usually looking for fast-assurance and comfort when I can find none for myself, usually in the most dramatically-worded way I can come up with.  In this case, I described the feeling as though I was forgetting to pack something for a very long trip, even though I had been over the list again and again and could not remember what it was I thought I had forgotten. Thankfully, I am friends with my adviser on Facebook, and as soon as she saw my status she recognized my call for help and double-checked for me, clarifying on my account which emphasis I was under, so that my course requirements will show up correctly for my transcripts and graduation.

So now I am reduced to simply being anxious. Not about anything in particular, but just in general.  Perhaps as the weeks progress and I begin to function more consistently within a schedule again this feeling will go away.  Perhaps it won’t. Perhaps entering the real world means a certain level of anxiety all of the time.  However, I’ve always been a bit anxious. You’d think after so many years, it would start to dull itself and become less of an issue, but I suppose that isn’t the way things work when it comes to worry. I feel that, in that way, life is a bit like being Winnie the Pooh–always a little concerned, but always searching for the bright side as well.

Perhaps, in life, we are all Pooh bears.

Here’s to hoping “It’ll be fine,” as my dear adviser would say.

Until next Monday,

Yours truly,

tlc

This is Happening, People.

Hi there. This is my blog. Welcome.

I’ve always been terrible at transitions, so I’m just going to hop right in:

You know how you find a piece of really, REALLY good music, and it just speaks to you?  On a depth more than emotional–almost spiritual?  No? Is that just me?  Well it happens, people. It’s like finding your tunnel song (Perks of Being a Wallflower, anyone?), or hearing that swelling orchestration that just tips you over in a really emotional (spoiler if you’re not up to date on Doctor Who) theatrical scene.

Still no?  Well I’m going to make my point anyways.

See, I’ve always been a bit jealous of those dramatically orchestrated scenes in films and television–I don’t know if it’s because I can be a bit of a drama queen myself, or if it is just because I enjoy music and stories so much that I really appreciate when they come together at such perfect moments (I’m one of those that would prefer to listen to a film score over any other type of album).  I’ve always wished that I could experience the world around me and the moments in my life with as much emotional depth as I experience those moments in film and television, and frankly, I’m a little sad people don’t just have their entire lives orchestrated.

This might sound a little weird and quite random, but the idea of experiencing life in more depth has been on my mind a lot, lately. I think it’s mainly because in four months’ time I will jump off the academic diving board and enter the world of working oblivion.  Basically, I’m scared out of my mind, just like I imagine most of my friends are as well.  Honestly, how does everyone keep it together so well?  I want to tear my face off right now and just cry.

See? Just a teensy bit of drama queen.

But something I’ve also learned from emotionally-stirring orchestrated theatrical scenes is that they don’t abruptly end after the climax of the scene is over.  No, just like the falling action of a beautifully conceived piece of literary work, these songs have a resolution. And if it isn’t a completely happy one, it is at least a satisfying one.

And that’s what my graduating in four months’ time is really like. Well, here’s to hoping, at least.

But really, job searching and my future after graduation has been on my mind for quite a while now, and so I’ve been doing a bit of research, looking into the lives of people I consider to be successful and my role models, and finding out what the path of their lives has been like after college.  And you know what?  It’s helped relieve a lot of stress (though there is still plenty more to be had!) in thinking about my future.  Why? Because many-if not most-of these people started from the bottom, from scratch, nothing to loose, hardly anything to gain (at first), just like me.  Many of them didn’t have jobs waiting for them straight out of college, and lots of them still have not found a career that they have solidly settled into.  Instead, they became path-makers instead of path-takers, and have been much happier, in my opinion, for it.  Why?  Because even though they may not have a 100% steady income, or a back-up plan or job to use as a crutch, they are doing things they love.

Who are these people, you ask?  Well three that I can think of right off the top of my head are J.K. Rowling, Tina Fey, and Youtuber, Jenna Marbles.  Rowling, as is probably common knowledge at this point, was living below the poverty line while attempting to support her young daughter and herself while writing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. And it took her five years to complete the first manuscript.  But she persevered, because she loved writing, and wanted to tell her story.  According to her autobiography, Bossypants, Tina Fey spent her two years after college working at a local gym, something that had nothing to do with her interests, before earning a starter position with one of the traveling improv groups that Second City in Chicago sends out all across America and working her way up through SNL and launching her career in both writing and acting.  And Jenna Marbles, as you can watch in her draw my life video, here, just seems to have drifted into all sorts of interesting things before realizing her passion in making video blogs, and hey! it paid off, so go her.

My point is, I’m really freaking out here, but I’m consoling myself in the lives of people I aspire to be like, and I hope you do the same thing.  And if not, then you can at least follow me on this journey because I’m going to be documenting it along the way, not only to hold myself accountable, but also prove to myself and others that this frightening transition period in one’s life is completely survivable, and probably not the scariest thing you will ever deal with in you entire life (unfortunately).

So meet me back here every Monday for the next (only God knows) how many months, as I try to keep things cheerful and funny, and let you in on all the little awkward moments that happen to me as I stumble through this last semester of my college life and attempt to jump gracefully into the real world.  And please excuse the giant, imaginary friends who will probably be holding my hand along the way. I promise I don’t have schizophrenia, I just really like television, and stories in general, and like to pretend that fictional characters and celebrities are my friends.

That’s normal, right?

Well, anyways, here’s to hoping.  See you next Monday.

Yours truly,

tlc

Oh My Gosh, You Guys, How Long Have I Been Away?

No, seriously, how long has it been?

I feel terrible.  The last time you heard from me, I think I was talking about how as soon as school got back into the swing of things, I’d start having a regular schedule where I could post more.

Ahh, the days when I was filled with naive hope for my senior year schedule.  Stupid college, making me actually work hard.

Well, things have finally gotten back into the swing of things (sort of). And now the semester is half-over.  Let me give you a summary of how things went these last nine(ish) weeks:

Week 1: Friends have returned. After two weeks of living in a smelly conference room with grown men and women who care too much about the fluffiness of residential curriculum (Gahh, why do I even know what that means?!?!) I feel like I can finally remember what having a social life feels like…And begin to mourn the fact that I don’t have one.

Week 2:  Hold up, hold up–let’s go back to week 1–you want me to do what?  How the heck am I supposed to run my job, go to school, AND pretend to like people, all at the same time?  Uh-huh.  This is gonna take more than seven days.

Weeks 3-5:  You know, I really should start working on that senior thesis and research project.  New seasons of The Big Bang Theory and Once Upon A TIme haven’t even started yet.  Nah.

Week 6:  Holy crap, I forgot that homework exists.

Week 7: One. Glorious. Week.  I never thought it would be possible to actually be ahead of schedule.  So this is what bliss feels like.

Week 8: I should be doing homework and staying on top of things, but it’s alright, I have a full four day weekend to get things–baby?  What?  You’re having a baby?  OMG I WILL DO NOTHING AND SIT IN YOUR HOSPITAL ROOM AND DRINK COFFEE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW EXHAUSTED I AM WHILE YOU TRY TO FOCUS LONG ENOUGH TO EAT LUNCH ON YOUR 20 MINUTES OF SLEEP YOU’VE GOTTEN IN THE LAST 48 HOURS.

Week 9:  I decide to blog at 1 a.m.

So, as you can see, things have been a bit crazy (and my tendency to procrastinate gets the partial blame).  But, there has obviously been no clear-cut routine yet this year (I should’ve known better–why do I always assume I can live my old-lady hermit lifestyle in the middle of campus?), so subsequently, my poor blog has been neglected.

I’m sorry. I’m a terrible person.

However, on brighter news, I know also write for the school newspaper (completely pointless opinion articles that I’m pretty sure only my friends read.)  Funny cautionary tale, however:  I asked my editor why my picture (which I’d taken earlier this semester) was still not being used for my articles, so he investigated and got the darn thing tied with my articles.  Unfortunately, it’s not a very flattering photo, so now it just looks like a very human-like penguin is writing for the school newspaper.

Honestly, if a real penguin was writing opinion articles, I’d totally read them.

Other than that (and some personal details which shall remain untold)  you didn’t miss much.  Ironically, though I think I said I probably wouldn’t do Fridays again for my weekly posts once I got into the semester, I’m thinking Fridays might be the best bet.  I’ll go ahead and say here that I’m going to make an effort to write every Friday.  No promises, though.  Since I’m already a terrible person, why ruin it now?

Cross your fingers.

Yours truly,

tlc

 

To Nobody, Who Reads My Blog:

After a two week hiatus, Nobody is probably wondering why I haven’t posted.  Oops, sorry I didn’t forewarn you, Nobody, but my summer internship wrapped up two weeks ago and I spent my first Friday that I missed posting a blog on the road and the second Friday hanging out in South Dakota on vacation.

I know. South Dakota, right?  What in the world could possibly keep me away from blogging while on “vacation” (haha) in South Dakota?

Well, for one, it’s South Dakota. Internet is like a smelly Parisian cheese that the locals don’t know how to cook with yet.  And two, South Dakota is actually awesome, if you like nature, but you don’t actually like nature.

What does that mean?  Well, it means I had an awesome time admiring the beauty of the Black Hills and the epic-ness of the Badlands without actually having to deal with Mother Nature’s little–let’s call them “buts”.  As in, “I love laying out at night and gazing at the immensity of sky and stars, BUT chigger bites really suck.” As in, “I had such a blast camping last weekend, living outdoors and really making a go of it, BUT that run-in with the [insert animal here (possible answers: ferocious bear, ginormous tarantula, rattle snake, rabid squirrel, etc)] was horrible.”  As in, I like you, outdoors, I really do. But it’s not you, it’s me. But actually it’s you.

Actually, South Dakota is surprisingly pretty great.  Who knew all this time I was visiting family in south central South Dakota all I had to do was mosey on over to the west border and there’d be ample amounts of touristy things for me to do. Let me give you a visual: most of South Dakota is like Western Kansas. There’s nothing, and then there’s something. But usually that something is nothing as well, so you have to use your imagination. If you like rural, it’s great.  I for one, enjoy the nostalgia of it. However most sane people will probably live their entire lives never even caring to visit even out of curiosity. I don’t blame you. Though you’re missing out on some of the best pizza, ever.  However, however, when you hit Rapid City–or maybe even Wall Drug–it’s like, suddenly you’re in Colorado, and not just the scenic but boring East side. You’re in the Rockies, baby. And wilderness just got real.  Except for the big billboards every half-mile advertising yet another gold mine tour.  Woo-hoo. (Actually, they’re pretty cool.)

So, yeah. That’s how I spent my one week of glorious summer vacation. In the Badlands and the Black Hills. Seeing Mount Rushmore. Touring really old mines. Getting some Black Hills Gold. Spending valuable bonding time with my parents. (I know, seems like a strange thing for someone my age to say, but family is really important to me. Maybe I’ll dive into that more in another post).

It was really fun. And now I have to move back to school. I should be excited. I should have senioritis that makes me really want to get this done and over with. But I kind of want to chain myself to a tree and never leave. I have no idea what’s happening next. O.O It’s a big world out there. And I’m a small person. (No, really, I’m pretty short. Not petite or under five-foot, but I’m still short.)

That got deep. (At least for me; I’ll probably go contemplate the world in my head now when I’m done writing this.)

Anyways, as with the end of my summer comes the end of my goal to update my blog every Friday. I think I did a pretty decent job, don’t you? I only had one week where I posted on Saturday instead (not counting my two-week hiatus). I think I’ll set another day for updating posts.  However, once again I’m not sure what day that’ll be on. Probably not Fridays. Fridays are weird during the school year. I spend a lot of Friday nights watching YouTube clips of the Ellen DeGeneres show while my hair is wet. (I sound like such a catch, don’t I?)

Okay, enough of what has turned into a confessional rambling about my life. Go do something with yours. And then come back and read my blog again in a week.

Thanks, Nobody. I appreciate your support. You da best.

Yours truly,

tlc

P.S. Here‘s a little sample of how my weekend went.